Mom,
We know you've been sick for quite some time, but now the moment has arrived when we're to say goodbye, and the feeling is indescribable. It's true when people say you can never prepare for this moment completely; the heart just doesn't work the same as what we try to make our minds believe. Just when I think I've learned this lesson, I still find myself working hard at trying to get the heart to feel the same as what I tell my mind. Only in a perfect world, would we be able to act as a light switch when hurt and pain comes rushing at us.
We've had many great years together as mother and daughter-in law, and I believe we were also friends. Over the years, and besides the deep and eternal love we have for Jeff, I have discovered we have something else in common; we have never easily wore our hearts on our sleeves; making most people earn our respect and affection. Because we had this in common, many times the same was true in how we were with each other - meaning we kept our hearts at a safe distance for the same reason as all other human beings - because of past hurts. To be honest, that makes me sad. However, we were just being ourselves.
In thinking about this, I feel this isn't necessarily negative, as this personality trait amongst us gave us the gift of mutual respect for one another, and of course love. People seem to forget there's nothing wrong with loving from a distance, because, most people can only do what they know how to do. I learned this from when my father passed away. In addition, I learned that it's OK to do so, because, even with our deepest connections, we all have our individual journeys in this life.
But now I will show my heart to you in saying I wish we could have shown our hearts to each other more often, and more clearly. You know I'm a writer, so this is by far the one way I feel the safest in communicating of what I hold in my heart; so here goes...I respect you for many reasons, but the biggest reason I respect you is for how you, as a single mother, raised three kids by yourself, and in a tough era. The best gift you've given me is Jeff, and I know it was really all up to God, but YOU, you raised him to be the man he is today; the kindest and sweetest husband ever, and he's strong just like his mother. So I thank you for your hard work and your strong will. Everything set aside, you will always have my love and respect.
Forever your daughter and friend,
Amy