Grief...we all go through it, and there's no way around it, no matter how hard you try to hide from it. This is my first blog post since losing my husband, Jeff, on October 26, 2022. Truthfully, I wasn't sure I would be able to live again, let alone write again. No matter how hard I tried to force the focus, it wasn't there, and as they say, "the well was dry." Only recently have I been able to once again begin my writing journey.
As far as I can remember, words on paper has been my savior. Writing is the only way for me to be a 100 percent on my game, and when I don't have it, I shut down.
We all grieve differently, and we all know how crushing it can be, but yet we feel judged while going through it, so we tend to fake it until we make it. I've heard over and over again there's no time limit to grief, and yet, I can't count how many times I've heard people tell someone, "it's been a year, why can't you do this, or why can't you do that?" Words as such can get in a person's head and stay there. Hell, I've asked myself the same questions. Too bad it isn't that simple.
When we talk about grief, it isn't just about losing loved ones, but it can be about losing a job that you excelled at, and more importantly you really enjoyed because of who you worked with. This job literally pulls you from the darkness and the next thing you know, you're feeling hopeful and joy again. The walls are slowly coming down, and you trust much easier than ever before, only to find it was all bullshit, and those who you trusted proved they never really gave a damn to begin with.
As I said, we all go through grief, so we need to find more compassion for each other. Grief is the biggest beast there is, and it can rear it's ugly head at anytime, and in the most of intense ways. We do need to lean on our support system of family and friends, but many times there are those of us who simply don't know how to ask for what we need, because often times, we have no idea what we need ourselves. In these cases, it could be easier to lean on someone who came in after the loss and who isn't emotionally invested and grieving along with us; kind of like how some people find it easier to open up to strangers from time to time.
I'm learning on how to be more compassionate and patient with myself, but it's an uphill battle and it feels like I'm battling Satan himself. One day you're on top of the world, and the next day you want to stay in a corner and disappear just so you don't have to feel anything ever again. This is why people are important to people, to lend a hand when we're drowing.